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There's a party at the house next door. No, the OTHER house next door (its official name is 'Xover House'). And Joel is the life of the party, while Phil ponders the events of the year.
Link Watch
Episode 6
Aired December 26, 2003
Writers Matt Wilson
Places Phil's Living Room
Xover House
Phil's Front Yard
Characters Joel
Phil's Girlfriend
Unknown woman
Episode Guide Here

Transcript Edit

{Outside Phil's house. Phil is wearing a hat saying "OMG".}

PHIL: {sigh} I can never get a date for New Year's. What should I do?

JOEL: Die. Wait a minute, you go somewhere on New Year's?

PHIL: Uhh, have you ever looked next door, Joel? Ever?

JOEL: People live next door to us?

{Cut to Joel and Phil inside a house with Christmas lights hung up. Topato is on the left.}

TOPATO: Greetings again, consumer Phil to an annual world of celebration and adventure. {looks at Joel} Ahh, but I do not recognize this commercial identity. Address to me your name at once, intruder of peace!


JOEL: Do you even have the permission of the creator to use this character?

TOPATO: You fool! Do you not see the commercial opportunities with your geometric eyes? They are apparent even to-

{show a turkey}

TOPATO: -Slim-jor, turkey of quiet intelligence, who may dispatch to the rebel eternal monkeys, because of his intelligence!

{show a building}

TOPATO: The executives, who cover decisions, have strategically placed-

{show an advertisement for the Sega 2003 New Year's Joy Festival}

TOPATO: -the SEGA sponsored 2003 New Year's Joy Festival for maximum profit potential. It pushes the brand.

{back to the house}

TOPATO: You will come for the alchohol and broken dreams, and you will stay for the merchandise, and the timeshares you will buy in your drinking status.

{short pause}

PHIL: Yeah... I'm- uh, going to talk to people about interesting things... see ya. {leaves}


JOEL: You know, you didn't answer my question.

TOPATO: Yes, this is a secret operation. The creators are oblivious to our campaign. Tell me, circular one, are you familiar with "fair use"?

JOEL: {annoyed} This is not fair use!

TOPATO: It is fair use if you do not address me by my real identity. {holds up a piece of paper reading "topato"} Try the following anagram, IF YOU DARE!!

JOEL: But, th- that's your normal name.

TOPATO: The Ts have switched places. This is obvious to everyone! I declare this conversation OVER... drink Pepsi.

{Show Phil and Phil's friend}

PHIL'S FRIEND: Whatever happened to Robot Jones?

PHIL: What?!

TUCK: Kansas Jones, you said that she became a Sega robot?

PHIL: Yeah, well, that's all in the past. I thought she's be great for me, but... truth be told, I don't want an emo girlfriend.

TUCK: Emo girlfriend?

PHIL: Emo girlfriends. They kill you on the inside. Like that time she died her hair...

{Cut to Phil at a doorway.}

PHIL: Hey, we're going to Denny's and uh, oh you uh...

{Zoom out to show Phil's girlfriend with a small knife in her head, as sections of her hair is red}

PHIL'S GIRLFRIEND: It still hurts. Why am I still alive?

PHIL: Well, all right. But I'm still going to Denny's.

{Cut to Phil and Elly}

ELLY: So, what did you get for Christmas?

PHIL: Nothing.

ELLY: {shocked} Nothing? That's insane!

PHIL: Joel and I seem to have so much thanks. It's a combination.

ELLY: That's... tragically stupid. That's why I celebrate Hanukkah now.

PHIL: No it's not. It's because Santa grants people's perverted wishes.

ELLY: I could only imagine what you wanted to wish for.

PHIL: I wish for peace on Earth.

ELLY: Pffgh! {leaves}

PHIL: A piece of that fine ass.

{Cut to Topato and DG}

TOPATO: Can I help you?

DG: I'm looking for someone's mom!

TOPATO: I do not believe in moms! Be gone!

{Cut to Joel}

JOEL: So what is it you do for the holidays? Brendon Small of Home Movies?

{Zoom out to show Joel is talking to himself}

PHIL: Yeah, he does this all the time, interviews imaginary people. It's kind of embarrassing.

JOEL: The only thing that's embarrassing, is between your legs.

DG: Oh snap!

PHIL: {angered} Whay are you making this difficult for me?

JOEL: That's what she said.

DG: Zing!

{Zoom in on a very angry Phil}

JOEL: See Phil? I'm the life of the party, and that gives me authority. And I authorize you, to lizzle!

PHIL: {to Joel} I'm going to kill you.

JOEL: He's assaulting authority! Throw him out!

PHIL: What? Fine. I hope you die, Joel. I hope you never get to breathe a second of oxygen in the New Year.

JOEL: {peeking his head in and then out} Kick his ass, Topato.

TOPATO: I told you to address me by "Topato", not "Topato". You wanna be sued, angry annie?

{Cut to Joel and an unknown woman}

JOEL: Hey, lady. Ditch the loser, hang with a boozer.

UNKNOWN WOMAN: I think I will.

{Cut to Phil}

PHIL: This is the worst night of my life this year.

{Cut to Phil sitting on the curb near his house}

PHIL: In summation of 2003... Phil Argus... Got attacked by Super Munchers, lost my only girlfriend, nearly lost my house, gained and lost super powers, and has no future. Joel...

JOEL: {off-screen} Thanks, guys! What? Yeah, I'll take that timeshare! It comes with a million dollars! Send it to the beach mansion! Oh, you guys! Oh-ho-ho-ho... {walks on-screen, and is now wearing the OMG hat} Oh boy... Oh hey, Phil.

{Zoom out to Joel and Phil}

JOEL: What, you still hate me?

PHIL: Yes.

JOEL: Awesome.

{End credits roll}

Fun Facts Edit


  • Topato is a Jeff Rowland character. link
  • The first episode to introduce DG outside of Toon Zone.
  • The original version used "Zinc" by New York SKA Jazz Ensemble as the song played during the party. The current version uses a chiptune by Robot Sock.
  • The original version used "Pizza Club" by Brendon Small as background music at the party after Phil was kicked out, and continued into the credits. The current version uses no music and "Total Soundalike" by Robot Sock as credits music.
  • The original featured a RD & DG sequence at the beginning.

{Toon Zone - Tuesday, 2010}

DG: At last! My sheep-powered ray gun is complete!

RD: Um, I think someone else came up with that idea.

DG: You are wrong! Prepare the sheep!

RD: We don't- we don't even have sheep.

DG: Activate the sheep hunters!

RD: Um, we don't have those either!

DG: Your mom does! Take us to your mom!


  • Joel's question to Topato was if he had the permission of the creator to use him, not if it was a secret operation.


  • Joel's body is not there when he peeks out from the top-right side.
  • Topato's arms are missing in some scenes.

Inside ReferencesEdit

  • Phil's girlfriend was delivered by Santa in the second episode of High Score in 2002, after Joel failed to find Phil a girlfriend.
  • Phil getting attacked by Super Munchers is a reference to the third episode of High Score "Munched", which was released in early 2003.
  • Phil "nearly [losing his] house" is a reference to Car when Joel sold his house to buy a car, which Brad took and gave a cardboard box back.
  • Phil "gain[ing] and los[ing] super powers" is a reference to the fourth episode of High Score, when radioactive waste gives Phil super powers and became "Super Phil". He has since lost his super powers.

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