Car »
Joel's new "car"
Joel buys a new car and has it tricked out by Brad, only to find out that he has been duped. Or not.
Link Watch
Episode 1
Aired November 22, 2003
2:48 (3:08 Easter Egg)
Places Phil's Living Room
Phil's Front Yard
Brad's House
Characters Joel
Episode Guide Here

Transcript Edit

{Credits roll, open up to Joel and Phil on a couch.}

JOEL: Look, everyone knows auto mechanics tamper with the battery, so you have to go back to them in a week. {Cut to closeup of Joel.} But you can't do jack 'cause they're, you know, tied... {Cut to closeup of Phil.} to the... mafia. {A pause. Cut back to Joel and Phil} ...I know this fascinates you... you fascinator.

PHIL: Uh... you don't have a car.

{Cut to Joel, standing at an angle and pointing to himself, with a yellowy background.}

JOEL: I have a car! I bought it. A-and you can't drive it, {Cut back to Phil.} it's expensive and it's-and it's... European.

{Cut to outside, where Phil and Joel are looking down at a cardboard box.}

PHIL: Yeah... that's a box.

{Cut to Joel.}

JOEL: It is now thanks to my mechanic, Brad, whom I shall now call Brad the bad... guy.

{Zoom in on the box, which has a black puddle around it.}

PHIL: Uh, what's with the puddle?

JOEL: Uhhh... oh! He gave it a free oil change. {Cut to Phil.} Yeah, that's something they glorify to make you ignore the fine print, but I don't buy that.

PHIL: So... it's always been a cardboard box.

{Cut back to Joel.}

JOEL: Phil, it's a transformer. It becomes a hover jet, and we're gonna go find the mini-cons, and...uh, you're not invited.

{Cut back to Phil and Joel.}

PHIL: {Sarcastically} Oh, sure it is! I mean, why should I doubt Brad the bad?

JOEL: Because he's five years old, Phil. That's why you do it.

{Cut back to Phil. A pause.}

PHIL: Wait, what?

{Cut to inside Brad's house, where Joel is talking to Brad. Phil and the box can be seen out the window. A sort of hip hop music starts to play.}

JOEL: You swindler! I demanded that my car be {Cut to Phil standing next to the box.} new and improved, not replaced with your post-G1 technology. That's not improved. That's... duh, de...proved.

{Cut back to Joel and Brad.}

BRAD: All sales are final, stinky!

JOEL: You know NOTHING of my odors!

{Cut back to Joel, Phil and the box outside. Music stops.}

PHIL: Uh, let me just get this straight. You bought a car, and then you gave it away to a five-year-old?

{Cut to closeup of Joel.}

JOEL: That's right, I did it. I made worse deals in my life.

PHIL: {Off-screen} Like what?

JOEL: Like this one time, I sold a house to buy a car.

{Zoom out to show Phil very angry. There's a short pause.}

JOEL: You know, the details are... largely unimportant.

PHIL: You sold our house?!

{Camera slowly zooms in on Joel. Hero music starts.}

JOEL: There are starving children out there, Phil. And what kind of man would I be if I didn't give them a little happiness?

{Music stops. Zoom back out. Phil is still very angry...but also a little annoyed...}

PHIL: Where do WE live?!

JOEL: Shut up and get in the box!

{End credits roll and cut to the box with the words "THE END" posted on the stamp. As soon as the music stops, the screen turns black with the words "NEXT CHAPTER" in large, white words.}

JOEL: Now I--

(Cut to another black screen with the words "CHAPTER TWO" in the same font. Under it are the words "NEXT FRIDAY" in a slightly smaller size. The words disappear. Fade back to the box.)

Easter Eggs Edit

  • Click on the note on the box at the end of version 1 to learn the secret origin of Bonus Stage.

Easter Egg Message:

(Gotta Start Small Folks)


Joel Dawson, after seeing the success of webtoons such as Homestar Runner and Happy Tree Friends, began to wonder why High Score had no weekly update. And so, with the quest for money rooted in his blood, the man invented a limited animation cartoon set in his own world, in the hopes that the cash would roll in and at some point, he could stop updating and his fans would still defend him. But will it work?

Fun FactsEdit


  • The animated mouth loop, which is seen from here through Season 6, goes into effect at Phil's first line. Joel's mouth is animated directly to his speech for his first section of dialogue, but evidently Matt Wilson found that this was a tedious task and developed the mouth loop as a time saving device.
  • When Bonus Stages was released, this cartoon was replaced with what is now known as Fission Mailed. Until June 5th 2006, this episode was inaccessible. It has since been restored, but some of the fonts are different: particularly the "HIGH SCORE'S" in "High Score's Bonus Stage" in the opening sequence, and the font for the credits is completely different, as compared to the original version of Car and other Season1 episodes. The credits also mention Total Soundalike instead of Shed Some Skin, like the other Season 1 episodes.

Real World ReferencesEdit

  • The "post-G1 technology" that Joel complains to Brad about is a reference to the first season of the series Transformers.
  • The Mini-cons are another reference to Transformers


  • The season 8 episode Fission Mailed is a remake of Car.

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